The Etiquettes Of Marriage And Wedding
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<http://www.calgaryi slam.com/ articles/> Shaykh Muhammad Naasirudden
al-Albaani
All praise is due to Allah, the One who said in the clear verses of His
Book:
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among
yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put
love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are Signs for those
who reflect".[al- Room 30:21]
May the prayers and peace of Allah be upon His Prophet Muhammad, the one
who said in an authenticated hadeeth : "Marry the loving and fertile,
for I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my
followers on the Day of Qiyama". [Ahmad and at-Tabaarani with hasan
isnaad. And declared saheeh from Anas by Ibn Hibbaan. And it has
witnesses which will be mentioned in Question 19]
After this opening: There are in Islam, certain etiquettes upon anyone
who marries and wishes to consummate his marriage with his wife. Most
Muslims today, even those who exert themselves in Islamic worship, have
either neglected or become totally ignorant of these Islamic etiquettes.
Therefore, I decided to write this beneficial treatise clearly
explaining these issues on the occasion of marriage of someone dear to
me. I hope that it will be an aid to him and to other believing brothers
in carrying out what the Chief of the Messengers has ordained on the
authority of the Lord of the Worlds. I have followed that by pointing
out certain issues important to every one who marries, and with which
many wives in particular have been tested. I ask Allah Most High to
bring about some benefit from this treatise, and to accept this work
solely for His glorious countenance. Surely, He is the Righteous, the
Merciful.
It should be known that there are many etiquettes in the area of
marriage. All that I am concerned with here in this quickly compiled
compiled work is that which is authenticated of the Sunnah of the
Prophet Muhammadесь Чссх ксэх ц гсу , that which is
irreproachable from the standpoint of its chain of narration and upon
which no doubt can be cast in terms of its constructions and meanings.
In this way, whoever reads and follows this information will be on a
clearly established basis in religion, and will have full confidence in
the source and validity of his actions. I hope for him that Allaah will
put the final seal of felicity on his life, in reward for beginning his
married life with the following of the Sunnah, and to make for him among
His slaves whose statement He has described in the Qur'aan saying:
And those who pray, "Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring
who will be the comfort of our eyes, and give us (the grace)
to lead the righteous."
[al-Furqaan 25:74]
The final disposition of things is for those of pious practice, as the
Lord of the Worlds said:
As to the Righteous, they shall be amidst (cool) shades
and springs (of water). And (they shall have) fruits, - all
they desire. "Eat ye and drink ye to your heart's content:
for that ye worked (righteousness) ." Thus do We
certainly reward the Doers of Good.
[al-Mursalaat 77:41-44]
The following then, are those etiquettes:
1. Kindness toward your wife when you wish to enter into her
It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to
show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc.
This is found in the hadeeth narrated by Asmaa' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan
who said: "I beautified 'As'ishah for Allaah's Messenger есь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу , then called him to come to see her unveiled. He
came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he
drank. Then, he offered it to 'Aa'ishah, but she lowered her head and
felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: "Take from the hand of the
Prophet." She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet есь
Чссх ксэх ц гсу said to her, "Give some to your companion."
At that point, I said: "O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself
and drink, and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank
some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my knees.
Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I
might hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the
Prophetесь Чссх ксэх ц гсу said about some women who were
there with me: "Give them some." But, they said: "We don't want it."
(ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу
said: "Do not combine hunger and fibbing!" [Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad
reports it with 2 isnaads - one of which supports the other, and it is
supported... ]"
2. Placing your hands on your wife's head and praying for her
The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his
wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head,
mention the name of Allah Most High, and pray for Allah's blessings. As
in the statement of the Prophet: "When any of you marries a woman ... he
should hold her forelock, mention Allah Most High, and pray for His
blessings saying: "O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her and the good
with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil
in her and the evil with which You have created her." {Allaahumma innee
as'aluka min khairiha wa khairi maa jabaltaha 'alaihi wa a'oodhubika min
sharriha wa sharri maa jabaltaha 'alaihi} [Aboo Dawood and others.
Al-Bukhari in "Af'aalul-'Ibaad" , Aboo Dawood, Ibn Majah, al-Haakim,
al-Baihaqee and Aboo Ya'laa with hasan isnaad ...]
3. The praying of husband and wife together
It is desirable for the husband and wife to pray 2 rakaat together on
their wedding night. This has been narrated from the earliest generation
of Muslims, as in the following 2 narrations:
First: On the authority of Abu Sa'eed Mawla Abu Asyad who said: "I got
married while I was a slave. I invited a number of the companions of the
Prophet, among them was Ibn Mas'ood, Abu Dharr and Hudhaifa. When the
prayer was called, Abu Dharr began to step forward when the others said
to him: 'No!' He said: 'Is it so?' And they said: 'Yes.' Then, I stepped
forward and led the prayer though I was a slave possessed. They taught
me, saying: 'When your wife comes to you, pray 2 rakaat. Then, ask
Allaah for the good of that which has come to you, and seek refuge in
Him from its evil. Then it is up to you and it is up to your wife.'"
[Ibn Abi Shaibah and 'Abdur-Razzaaq]
Second: On the authority of Shaqeeq who said: "A man named Abu Hareez
came and said: 'I have married a young girl, and I am afraid that she
will despise me.' 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ood said to him: "Verily, closeness
is from Allaah, and hatred is from Shaitaan, who wishes to make
despicable that which Allaah has allowed. So, when your wife comes to
you, tell her to pray behind you 2 rakaat.'" In another version of the
same story, "'Abdullah went on to say: 'And say: 'O Allah give Your
blessings on me in my wife, and to her in me. O Allaah join us together
as long as You join us in good, and split us apart if You send to us
that which is better.'" [Ibn Abi Shaibah and at-Tabaraani and
'Abdur-Razzaaq: Saheeh].
4. What to say at the time of making Love
When a Muslim man is about to enter his wife, he should always say
first:
Bismillahi, Allahumma jannibnaa ash-shaitaan, wa jannib
ash-shaitaan maa razaqtanna
[In the name of Allah, O Allah, keep us away from the devil, and keep
the
devil away from that which You may grant us (ie. offspring).]
About this, the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу said: "After
that, if Allah decrees that they will have a child, the devil will
never be able to harm that child". [al-Bukharee] [1]
5. How he should come to her
It is allowed for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her vagina from any
direction he wishes - from behind or from the front. About this Allaah
revealed the following verse:
"Your wives are a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth
when or how ye will" [al-Baqarah 2:223]
There are also various hadeeth on this subject, of which I will give
only 2:
On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Jews used to say that if a man
entered his wife in the vagina but from behind, their child would be
cross-eyed! Then Allaah revealed the verse: "Your wives are as a tilth
unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah
2:223]. The Prophet said : "From the front or the back, as long as it is
in the vagina". [Al-Bukharee and Muslim]
On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "The Ansaar, who had been
polytheists, lived with the Jews, who were people of the book. The
former viewed the latter as being superior to them in knowledge, and
used to follow their example in many things. The people of the book
would only make love to their wives from the side, this being the most
modest way for the woman, and the Ansaar had followed their example in
that. These people from the Quraish, on the other hand, used to expose
their women in an uncomely manner. They took pleasure in them from the
front, from the back, or laid out flat. When the Makkans came to
al-Madeenah at the time of the Hijrah, one of them married a woman from
among the Ansaar, and began doing that with her. She disapproved of it
and told him: "We used only to be approached from the side, so do that
or stay away from me!" This dispute became very serious until it reached
the ears of the Prophet. So Allaah, revealed the verse: "Your wives are
as a tilth unto you, so approach your tilth when or how ye will;"
[al-Baqarah 2:223] (ie. from the front, the back, or laid out flat).
What is meant here is the entry which produces children." [Aboo Dawood,
al-Haakim and others: Hasan isnaad and is supported].
6. The Prohibition of Sodomy
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to enter his wife in her anus. This is
understood from the verse quoted above (i.e. since a "planting ground"
can only refer to a place where something might grow), and from the
narrations cited above. There are also other hadeeth on the subject,
among them:
First: On the authority of Umm Salama who said: "When the Muhajireen
came to Ansaar at al-Madeenah, some of them married women from the
Ansaar. The women of the Muhajireen used to lie on their faces (during
intercourse) , while the women of the Ansaar never did it that way. Then,
one of the men of the Muhajireen wanted his wife to do that. She refused
until such time as she could ask the Prophet about it. She went to the
Prophet but was embarrassed to ask the question, and so Umm Salama asked
him. Then the verse was revealed which says: "Your wives are as a tilth
unto you; so approach your tilth when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah
2:223]. The Prophet> said: "No! (not any way you wish) Except in one
opening! (ie. the vagina)". [Ahmad, at-Tirmidhee and others : Saheeh]
Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Abbaas who said: "'Umar ibn Al-Khattaab
came to the Prophet and said: 'O Messenger of Allaah, I am destroyed!'
The Prophet asked: 'And what has destroyed you, O 'Umar?' 'Umar said: `I
turned my mount around last night.' (An expression which means he has
sexual intercourse with his wife penetrating the vagina while mounting
her from the rear.) The Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу gave
him no answer and when the revelation came and the verse was revealed
which says: "Your wives are as a tilth unto you; so approach your tilth
when or how ye will;" [al-Baqarah 2:223] and the Prophet есь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу said: "From the front and from the back, just
beware of her anus and her menses". [an-Nasaa'ee in "`Ishratun-Nisaa"
with hasan isnaad, at-Tirmidhee and others].
Third: On the authority of Khuzaima ibn Thaabit who said: "A man asked
the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу about entering women in
the rear, or the entering by a man of his wife in her rear, and the
Prophet answered: `Halaal (ie. permissible) .' When the man turned to
leave, the Prophetесь Чссх ксэх ц гсу called him or
ordered for him to be called back and said : "What did you say? In which
of the 2 openings did you mean? If what you meant was from her rear and
in her vagina, then yes. But if what you meant was from her rear and in
her anus, then no. Verily Allaah is not ashamed of the truth - do not
enter your wives in their anuses!" [as-Shaafi, al-Baihaqi and others:
Saheeh]
Fourth: "Allaah does not look at one who comes to his wife in her anus".
[an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan isnaad and supported in "al-'Ishrah" ; at-Tirmidhee
and Ibn Hibbaan].
Fifth: "Cursed are those who come to their wives in their anuses." [Aboo
Dawood, Ahmad and others with hasan isnaad and is supported].
Sixth: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a
woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is
told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammadесь
Чссх ксэх ц гсу . [Aboo Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others:
Saheeh].
7. Making Wudhuu' between 2 acts with one's wife
When a Muslim man has had sexual intercourse with his wife in the legal
manner and then wishes to return another time, he should first perform
wudhuu', based on the statement of the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх
ц гсу : "When one of you comes to his wife and then wishes to
return another time, let him perform wudhuu' between the 2 times (In
another version, the same wudhuu' which he performs for prayer) for
verily, it will invigorate his return."[Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaibah and
others].
8. Bathing is preferable
Bathing, however, is preferable to merely making wudhuu' in such
situations. Abu Raafi' narrates: "That the Prophet есь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу made the rounds of all his wives one night, bathing
in the house of each one. He (i.e. the narrator) asked the Prophet:
"Couldn't you have just bathed once (i.e. at the end)? The Prophet
есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу answered : "This way is purer,
cleaner and better". [Aboo Daawood, an-Nasaa'ee: Hasan in "al-'Ishrah" ,
and others].
9. The Bathing of Husband and Wife together
It is permissible for the husband and wife to bath together in the same
place even though he sees her private parts, and she sees his. This is
established by a number of authentic hadeeth, among them:
On the authority of 'Aa'ishah (radiallahu anha) who said: "I used to
bathe with the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу from a single
container of water which was placed between us such that our hands
collided inside it. He used to race me such that I would say: `Leave
some for me, leave some for me!' She added: `We were in a state of
Janaba (i.e. the state of having slept together).'" [Al-Bukharee and
Muslim].
On the authority of Mu'aawiya ibn Haida, who said: "I said: `O Messenger
of Allaah есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу , which of our nakedness is
allowed, and of which must we beware?' The Prophet answered, "Guard your
nakedness except from your wife or those whom your right hand
possesses." (So it is permissible for both spouses to look at and touch
the body of his or her companion even the private parts). He said: `O
Messenger of Allah, what about if the relatives live together with each
other?' The Prophet answered : "If you can make sure that no one ever
sees your nakedness, then do so." He said: `O Messenger of Allah, what
about when one is alone?' The Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу
said: "Allah is more deserving of your modesty than are the
people"."[Ahmad, Abu Dawood, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh]. 10.
Making Wudhuu' after Sex and before Sleeping
It is best for husband and wife not to sleep after having sex until they
first perform wudhuu'. There are various hadeeth about this, among them:
First: On the authority of 'Aa'shah who said: "Whenever the Prophet
wished to sleep or eat while in a state of Janaba (i.e. after having sex
and before bathing), he would wash his private parts and perform wudhuu'
as for prayer." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim].
Second: On the authority of Ibn 'Umar who said: "O Messenger of Allah,
should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" The Prophet есь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу answered: "Yes, after making wudhuu." [Al-Bukhaaree
and Muslim]. In another version: "Perform wudhuu' and wash your private
parts, and then sleep." [Al-Bukhaaree and Muslim]. And, in another
version: "Yes, you can perform wudhuu', sleep, and bathe whenever you
want." [Muslim and al-Baihaqi]. And, in still another version: "Yes, and
perform wudhuu' if you wish." (This last version proves that this
wudhuu' is not obligatory.) [Ibn Khuzima and Ibn Hibban: Saheeh].
Third: On the authority of 'Ammaar ibn Yaasir, the Prophet есь
Чссх ксэх ц гсу said: "There are three which the angels
will never approach: The corpse of a disbeliever; a man who wears
perfume of women; and, one who has had sex until he performs wudhuu'."
[Abu Dawood, Ahmad and others: Hasan].
11. The Ruling of this Wudhuu'
This wudhuu' is not obligatory, but is very highly and definitely
commendable. This (i.e. its not being obligatory) is based on the
hadeeth narrated by 'Umar in which he asked the Prophetесь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу : "Should we go to sleep in a state of janaba?" To
which the Prophet answered: "Yes, and perform wudhuu' if you wish." [Ibn
Hibbaan: Saheeh]. This is also supported by other hadeeth, among them a
hadeeth narrated by 'Aa'ishah who said: "The Prophetесь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу used to sleep in a state of janaba without having
touched water, until he would get up later and bathe." [Ibn Abi Shaiba,
at-Tirmidhee, Abu Daawood and others: Saheeh].
In another version narrated by 'Aa'ishah , she said: ""He used to spend
the night in a state of janaba until Bilal came in the morning to make
the adhaan. Then, he would get up, bathe while I looked at the water
dripping from his head, and go out. Then, I would hear his voice in the
Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting." Mutarrif said: "I said to
Aamir: In the month of Ramadhaan?" He said: "Yes, in Ramadhaan and in
other than Ramadhaan." [Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and others: Saheeh].
12. Making Tayammum in a state of Janaba instead of Wudhuu'
It is also permissible to make Tayammum sometimes instead of wudhuu'
before sleeping. This is based on a hadeeth of 'Aa'ishah in which she
said: "When the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу was in a
state of janaba and wished to sleep, he used to make wudhuu' or
Tayammum." [Al-Baihaqi: Hasan]
13. Bathing before Sleeping is Preferable
Bathing however, is preferable to any of the above-mentioned
possibilities as is clear in the hadeeth of `Abullaah ibn Qais who said:
"I asked 'Ai'ishah : "What did the Prophet do when in a state of janaba?
Did he bathe before sleeping or sleep before bathing?" She answered: "He
did all of those things. Sometimes he bathe and then slept. And
sometimes he performed wudhuu' and then slept." I said: "Praise be to
Allah who made things flexible."[Muslim, Ahmad and Abu `Auwaana].
14. The Prohibition of sex when she is menstruating
It is forbidden for a Muslim man to have sexual intercourse with his
wife when she is menstruating. This is clear in the following verse of
the Qur'an:
"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They
are a hurt and a pollution: So keep away from women in
their courses, and do not approach them until they are
clean. But when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for
you by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him
constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure
and clean." [Al-Baqarah, 2:222]
There are also hadeeth about this, among them:
First: "Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or a
woman in her anus, or approaches a soothsayer and believes what he is
told has disbelieved in that which was revealed to Muhammad."
Second: On the authority of Anas ibn Malik, who said: "When one of their
women has their period, the Jews used to put her out of the house, and
they would not eat, drink, or sleep with her in the house. The Prophet
was asked about this, and Allaah revealed the verse:
"They ask thee concerning women's courses. Say: They are a
hurt and a pollution: so keep away from women in their courses, ...
Then the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу said: "Be with them
in the house, and do everything except for intercourse itself." The Jews
said: "This man wants to leave nothing which we do without doing
something different." Then, Asyad ibn Hudair said: "O Messenger of
Allah, verily the Jews says such-and-such, should we not then have
sexual intercourse during menstruation? " The Prophet's есь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу face changed such that they thought that he was
enraged with them, so they left. As they were coming out, they saw a
gift of milk being brought to the Prophet. The Prophet есь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу then sent someone after them to give them a drink
of milk, so they felt that he was not actually angry with them."
[Muslim, Abu 'Auwaana and Abu Daawood].
15. The Penitence of One who Has Sex during Menses
Whoever is overcome by desire and has sexual intercourse with his wife
when she is menstruating and before she becomes clean must give the
value of one dinar's weight of gold or about 4.25 grams (4.2315 to be
more precise), or half that amount. This is based on a hadeeth narrated
by 'Abdullaah ibn 'Abbaas from the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц
гсу in relation to one who enters his wife while she is on her
period as follows: "Let him give one dinar in charity, or one half
dinar." [At-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood, At-Tabaraani and others: Saheeh].
16. What is Permissible when She is on her Periods
It is allowed for him to enjoy pleasure with his wife in any way except
for her private parts when she is on her period. There are several
ahadeeth about this:
First: "and do everything except intercourse itself." [Muslim, Abu
'Auwaana and Aboo Daawood]
Second: On the authority of 'Aa'ishah who said: "When we were on our
periods, the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу used to order
us to put on a waist cloth that her husband can
then lie with her." One time she said: "... her husband can then fondle
and caress her." [al-Bukhaaree, Muslims and others].
Third: On the authority of one of the wives of the Prophet есь
Чссх ксэх ц гсу who said: "When the Prophetесь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу wanted something from one of his wives who was on
her period, he put a cloth over her private parts, and then did whatever
he wanted." [Abo Daawood: Saheeh]
17. When is it Allowed to resume Sexual Activity after Menses?
When she becomes clean of any menstrual blood, and the flow stops
completely, it is allowed for them to resume sexual activity after she
washes the place where the blood had been, or performs wudhuu', or takes
a complete bath. Whichever of these three alternatives she does makes it
allowed for them to resume sexual activity, based on Allaah's statement
in the Qur'an:
"But when they have purified themselves, ye may
approach them in any manner, time, or place ordained for you
by Allah. For Allah loves those who turn to Him
constantly and He loves those who keep themselves pure and clean."
[Al-Baqarah 2:222]
This is the position of Ibn Hazm, 'Ataa, Qatadah, al-Awzaa'ee and Daawud
az-Zaahiree and of Mujaahid: as Ibn Hazm says: "All three of these are a
purification - so whichever of them she uses after the cessation of her
periods, then she is lawful for her husband."
The same term is used to mean washing the private parts in the Aayah
revealed concerning the people of Qubaa:
"In it are men who love to be purified; and Allah loves
those who make themselves pure." [at-Tawbah 9:108]
There is nothing here in the Aayah however, or in the Sunnah, to
restrict the Aayah in question to any of the three meanings - and to do
so requires a further proof.
18. The Lawfulness of Coitus Interruptus
(Withdrawl of the penis from the vagina at the time of ejaculation with
the purpose of avoiding impregnation. This can be done only with the
permission of one's wife).
It is allowed for a Muslim man to practice coitus interruptus with his
wife. There are several hadeeth about this:
First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "We were practicing coitus
interruptus, and the Qur'an was being revealed." [al-Bukhaaree and
Muslim]. In another version, he said: "We used to practice coitus
interruptus in the lifetime of the Prophet. This reached the Prophet,
and he did not prohibit us from doing it." [Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee and
at-Tirmidhee] .
Second: On the authority of Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy, who said: "A man
came to the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу and said: "I
have a young girl (right-hand possession), and I practice coitus
interruptus with her. I want that which men want, but the Jews claim
that coitus interruptus is minor infanticide. " The Prophet said: "The
Jews have lied, the Jews have lied. If Allaah wished to create a child,
you would not be able to prevent it." [An-Naasaa'ee in al-'Ishrah: Abu
Dawood and others: Saheeh].
Third: On the authority of Jaabir, a man came to the Prophetесь
Чссх ксэх ц гсу and said: "I have a slave girl who serves
us and waters our date trees. Sometimes I go to her, but I dislike that
she should become pregnant by me". The Prophet said: "use coitus
interruptus if you like, but whatever has been ordained for her will
come." After some time, the man again came to the Prophet and said: "She
has become pregnant!" The Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу
told him: "I told you that whatever has been ordained for her will
come." [Muslim, Abu Dawood and others].
19. It is Preferable not to Practice Coitus Interruptus.
Not practicing coitus interruptus is preferable for a number of reasons:
First: It is harmful for the woman, since it reduces her pleasure by
cutting it short. If she agrees to it, it still contains the following
negative points.
Second: It negates part of the purpose of marriage which is enlarging
the Muslim nation through offspring, as in the statement of the Prophet
есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу : "Marry the loving and fertile, for
I will compete with the other Prophets with the number of my followers."
[Abu Dawood, an-Nasaa'ee and others: Saheeh]. This is why the Prophet
есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу once referred to it as "minor
infanticide" (and not because it is forbidden as infanticide is
forbidden) when asked about it saying: "That is minor infanticide" .
[Muslim, Ahmad and al-Baihaqi]. For this was preferable in the hadeeth
narrated by Abu Sa'eed al-Khudhriy saying: "Coitus Interruptus was
mentioned in the presence of the Prophetесь Чссх ксэх ц
гсу and he said: "Why would one of you do that? (note he did not
say "let none of you do that") Allah is the Creator of every single
soul." [Muslim]. In another version, he said: "You act and you act.
There are no people destined to be from now until the day of Qiyama but
that all of them will be." [Muslim]
20. What the two Spouses should Intend with their Marriage
Both spouses should enter into marriage with the following intentions:
freeing themselves of unfulfilled sexual desires, and protecting
themselves from falling into that which Allaah has forbidden (i.e.
adultery and fornication) . What's more, a reward as the reward for
sadaqa (voluntary giving of charity) is recorded for them every time
they have sex. This is based on the following hadeeth of the Prophet
narrated by Abu Dharr: "Some of the companions of the Prophetесь
Чссх ксэх ц гсу said to him: 'O Messenger of Allaah, the
affluent among us have taken the rewards (of the hereafter)! They pray
as we pray, fast as we fast, and then they give charity from the surplus
of their wealth!" The Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу said:
"Did Allaah not make for you that from which you can give sadaqa? Verily
for every time you say Subhannallah (Exalted is Allah) there is a
sadaqa, and for every time you say Allahuakbar (Allah is Most Great)
there is a sadaqa, and for every time you say Al-Hamdulillah (Praise is
to Allah) there is sadaqa, and in every act of enjoining what is right
there is sadaqa, and in every act of forbidding what is wrong there is a
sadaqa, and in your sexual relations there is a sadaqa." The Companions
said: "O Messenger of Allaah , is there a reward for one of us when he
satisfies his sexual desire?" The Prophetесь Чссх ксэх ц
гсу said: "Don't you see, if he had satisfied it with the
forbidden, would there not have been a sin upon him?" They said: "Why,
yes! He said: "In the same way, when he satisfies it with that which is
lawful, there is for him in that a reward." [Muslim, an-Nasaa'ee in
al-'Ishrah, and Ahamd].
21. What he should do the Morning After His Wedding Night
It is desirable for the husband to go to his relatives who came to visit
him in his house, on the following morning, to give them greetings and
pray for them. It is also desirable for them to do likewise for him, as
in the following hadeeth narrated by Anas : "The Messenger of Allaah
есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу gave a feast on the morning of his
wedding night with Zainab, at which he fed the Muslims to satisfaction
on bread and meat. Then, he went out to the Mothers of the Believers
(i.e. to his other wives), gave them greetings and prayed for them,
which they returned in kind. This is the way he used to do on the
morning after a wedding night." [Ibn Sa'd and an-Nasaa'ee: Saheeh].
22. The House must have a Place for Bathing
The married couple must have a place to bathe in their house, and the
husband must not allow his wife to go to the public bath houses. This is
forbidden, and there are various hadeeth about it, among them:
First: On the authority of Jaabir who said: "The Prophet есь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу said: "Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day,
let him not allow his wife to go to the Public baths. Whoever believes
in Allaah and the Last Day, let him not go to the baths except with a
waist-cloth. And whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him
never sit at a table at which intoxicants are being circulated."
[Al-Haakim, at-Tirmidhee and others: Saheeh]
Second: On the authority of Umm ad-Dardaa' who said: "I came out of the
public bath and I met Allaah's Messenger есь Чссх ксэх ц
гсу who said to me: 'From where have you come O Umm Dardaa'?' I
said: 'From the baths'. Then he said: "By the One in whose hand is my
soul, every woman who removes her clothes anywhere except the house of
one of her mothers has torn down all that veils her before ar-Rahman."
[Ahmad : Saheeh]
Third: On the authority of Abu al-Maleeh who said: "Some women from
Ash-Shaam entered upon 'Aa'ishah and said: "Where are you from?" The
women answered: "We are of the people of Ash-Shaam (the area of
present-day Syria)." 'Aa'ishah said: "Are you perhaps from that district
which allows its women to enter the public baths?" The said: "Yes". She
said: "As for me, I heard the Messenger of Allaahесь Чссх ксэх
ц гсу say: "Every woman who removes her clothes other than in
her house has torn down all veils of modesty between herself and
Allaah." [at-Tirmidhee, Abu Dawood and others: Saheeh]
23. The Prohibition of Spreading Bedroom Secrets
It is forbidden for either the husband or the wife to spread any of the
secrets of their bedroom to anyone outside. The following two hadeeth
are about this:
First: "Verily among the worst people before Allaah on the Day of
Judgment is a man who approaches his wife sexually and she responds and
then he spreads her secrets." [Muslim, Ibn Abi Shaiba, Ahmad and
others].
Second: "On the authority of Asmaa bint Yazid who narrated "that she was
once in the presence of the Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу
and there were both men and women sitting. The Prophetесь Чссх
ксэх ц гсу then said: "Perhaps a man might discuss what he
does with his wife, or perhaps a woman might inform someone what she did
with her husband?" The people were silent. Then I said: "O, Yes! O
Messenger of Allaah verily both the women and men do that." Then the
Prophet есь Чссх ксэх ц гсу said: "Do not do that. It is
like a male shaitaan who meets a female shaitaan along the way, and has
sex with her while the people look on!" [Ahmad: Hasan or Saheeh due to
supports]
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